An Investigative Report on the influence of Bast in the London Metropolitan Area
Rob Cain’s Historical Detective Agency Field Report:
Submitter: Agent Tag ‘Toggle’ Montague, London Office
December 12, 2021.
Boss, the rumors are true. We have been getting reports of the God Bast showing up in parts of London for some years now. The proof has been in front of our faces, but we just didn’t want to believe it. I will endeavor to track these reports down, and send you detailed observations from our agents in the field.
The first time I suspected the prevalence of the Bast influence was in East London. There is a tea shop named: Lady Dinah’s Cat Emporium, located on Bethnal Green Road. A tell tale sign is that you are required to pay a cover charge (£ 15) just to come in to play with the cats. Many Bast worshippers happily pay this fee. Serving coffee and cakes the Emporium is lined with book shelves and sofas (cats like sofas). It hosts a pride of various breeds that look down on the patrons and snuggle for treats near their feet. The owner put faux trees in the decor (cats like trees), a ceiling high scratching post (cats use it to climb to the ceiling), with a bridge for cats to transverse the eating area and look down upon the patrons. I had the establishment under observation for the last week. I checked their records. Upon opening they had 20,000 bookings in the first month.
Expenses: £ 500.oo (This includes the operatives time and 22 coffees, 2 bags of cat treats, and 6 Chocolate Orange Ganache Cakes).
The true name for their god is Bastet. Many call her Bast for short. It is an Egyptian goddess worshipped in the form of a lioness and later transformed herself into a cat. She’s the daughter of Re, the sun god, and is consider ferocious. I have been very careful. I have followed your instructions not to corner a Bastite, for they tend to lash out. There is nothing pretty about a ‘cat-lover’ with their dander up.
I’ve seen cult members as young as 5, and as old as 90. Geriatric cult members can be spotted by the number of cats they gather about them. Sometimes a whole house can be filled with purring felines. This is done out of respect for the goddess. I believe it is a pre-death ritual. According to the Metropolitan Police, London, there are cat-houses throughout London.
I was chatting up a particular attractive Bast Worshipper for information. She wore a Vera Wang black cocktail dress with blue Jimmy Choo high heels. She was originally from Ghana and was a model for British Vogue. I thought she would be a good source of information, but in the middle of trying to pump her for information she did an odd and unexplainable thing. We were at the Rooftop bar at the Traflager, St. James, 7th Floor, 2 Spring Gardens. In the middle of our conversation she looked down at the Gimlet the bartender placed next to her. She stared at it, like she was studying it. In a beat she pushed the drink onto the floor using the palm of her hand. Just like that. No reason! She just did it! She gave no excuse for this odd behavior. She looked at the spilled drink and expecting me to buy her another one. WHAT CHEEK! After about a minute, while staring at her in shock, I paid for another drink. Do you know what she did? She knocked it to the floor again!
Expenses: £17.60 two Gimlets, tall glass
December 15, 2021.
At approximately 1300 hours I tailed a female suspect(she suspiciously looked like Anne Hathaway, the actress) to the London, Soho Hotel, between Dean and Wardour Streets. I entered the lobby and there was over-whelming evidence of the Bast cult in London. Erected in the Soho Hotel was a 10-foot statue of a black cat by Fernando Botero. Fernando Botero Angulo is a Colombian figurative artist and sculptor, born in Medellín. His signature style, also known as “Boterismo”, depicts people and figures in large, exaggerated volume, which can represent political criticism or humor, depending on the piece.
It is a particularly healthy cat, well-nourished, and looms over the lobby with an entitled air. It is my belief that many of the worshippers of Bast are involved in the hospitality trade of London. I am especially suspicious of this area of SOHO.
Expenses: £100 per day per agent. Total: £ 600 for 3 day survelliance.
December 17, 2021.
Received a tip of a Bast sighting by local residents that live in the Queen Square Gardens in Holborn. The lady that called me was spooked. She could see a cat statue (named Sam) from her window, and claimed that it “wandered about” at night. The artwork is a statue of a ‘domestic’ preparing to jump off a red brick wall located on the southwest corner of the park.
Sam the cat was placed there in honor of a Patricia Penn (1914-1992), who was a nurse, a champion of local causes, and on the board of the Queen Square Resident’s Association. Sam belonged to her and will forever be a part of London.
December 20, 2021.
I got a break in the case. I FOUND THE HEADQUARTERS TO THE BAST CABAL. just take a look at it (photos included).
Located at 265 Hampstead Rd., formerly named the Carreras Cigarette Factory its facing and entrance is very telling. Now an office building, the entrance is flanked by two massive Bast statues, and the image of Bast looks out from the side of the building.
My research has found that the Carreras Cigarette Company started as a small 19th century shop which had a black cat frequently napping in the window. The company grew from a tiny shop to a massive tobacco production house which only can be due to its association with the divine goddess. This change was around the 1920s, which was the same time as the the discovery of King Tut’s tomb. Egyptian Revivalism was the choice of the architectural theme. At one time a chariot race was staged nearby, and strangely the cast from the Opera Aida once paraded through the halls. Though once a cigarette company it is now a simple office building. Cat imagery is still strongly associated with the building.
Expenses: £ 150 for three hours surveillance. £5 for lunch.
Note* I think I’m on to something. There seems to be a strange recruitment campaign going on within the vicinity of the building. A blue sign requests that people stand between two images of the Goddess Bast and take a ‘selfie’. If they are deemed acceptable by the owners of the restaurant they receive a free dining experience. I THINK THIS ACTUALLY A STRANGE RECRUITMENT PROCESS FOR THE CULT. I have taken part in this strange ritual. If my photo is chosen, I will have a free meal at Azura, restaurant, bar and terrace. If chosen, I expect to be approached by members of the cult. I have stacked out this vicinity. I almost expect for it to be like Harry Potter disappearing at Platform 9 and three quarters as he rushes to catch the Hogwarts Express. Do you think people disappear once they take a selfie between the two cats? I have been stacking out the site.
December 26, 2021
I had a break through! My ‘selfie’ was chosen. I received an invitation with the following printed at the top:
The mouth of a perfectly contented man is filled with beer.
Inscription dating to 2200 BCE
They want me to show up at the restaurant during the BASTET Festival (the first Tuesday of the new year). I am required to pick out something to eat on the menu on line.
Tuna & Scallop Tartare / 16 Yellow fin tuna, king scallop, uzu cochu, cucumber, micro herbs, lemon
The following is an on-line description of the festival.
Bast Festival: This was the celebration of the goddess Bastet at her cult center of Bubastis and another very popular festival. It honored the birth of the cat goddess Bastet who was the guardian of hearth and home and protector of women, children, and women’s secrets. Herodotus claims that Bastet’s festival was the most elaborate and popular in Egypt. Egyptologist Geraldine Pinch, citing Herodotus, claims, “women were freed from all constraints during the annual festival at Bubastis. They celebrated the festival of the goddess by drinking, dancing, making music, and…
Well, I won’t go into further detail, but I happily volunteer for this dangerous mission. I know going undercover is risky, but this is the only way I can enter into their secret organization. I will keep you informed on what I discover in my next report.
Expenses: £20 for dinner, £15 for drinks, Uber £32.50
Talk to you soon and…”Farewell!”
P.S. I love my job.